so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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