Me. At least after what I've been through.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
