she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
