I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
