Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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