when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Randomize
