I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
