We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
