I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
