my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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