My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i would one night stand the shit outta him
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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