I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
