I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
