can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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