I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
