I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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