I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
