So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
