i barfeds in our rink
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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