Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
