1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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