The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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