I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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