i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
