We're like a lot better than the average bears
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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