I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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