One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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