end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
