gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize