i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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