Swine flu. Run for my life!
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
