Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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