"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize