Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
