K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
