just come out here and I will go home with you...
wanna go halves on a baby?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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