I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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