The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We don't watch enough power rangers
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
