how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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