My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
