Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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