Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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