If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
