I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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