His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
