Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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