So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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