Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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