is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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