Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
third nipple confirmed
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
