Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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