don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
