Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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