I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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