and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
