You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
