I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
