spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
