Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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