Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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