Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I want her autograph on my taint
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
