Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
