he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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