also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
