I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
