First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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