I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
