I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
