i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
