If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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