After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
