i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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