the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Randomize
