dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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