how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
