Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
