I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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