Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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