My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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