Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
im six kinds of drunk right now
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Let's get the cat blown out
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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