it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
