So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
